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Life Story

My Story: Meditation

A couple years ago, I started to meditate because I read that it can help with anxiety. Now I can’t imagine my day without meditation. It was and still is surprising how different meditation is portrayed by the media (as in pictures and adverts) compared to what it actually looks and feels like.

You’re awareness disguised as a person.

Eckhart Tolle

Just as many other people, first thing I saw about meditation was that very cliche meditation pose with a person cross-legged, sitting next to some plants and water, holding their hands on their knees with fingers pinching the air. Turns out, it wasn’t even close!

When I was starting, I found Headspace and did guided meditations on an off for a couple of months. This wonderful app explains in every audio to find a comfortable position to sit in. Sitting cross-legged is rarely comfortable for me while meditating. I tried it once and my legs went numb during it.

Meditation as it turned out is not about clearing your mind of any thought. There are different ways to meditate and majority of these use your thought to bring more clarity to your life. My first meditation was about anxiety relief and I actually cried. But, I cried not because I was sad or because I was anxious. I cried because I was so happy that I let myself do something so different and so kind to myself.

[Challenges] In that starting phase, my main problem was actually not falling asleep. A lot of the time when I meditated I would almost fall asleep while doing it. Then I figured out that I would be better off doing it during the day and not straight after I wake up or right before sleep. Eventually I came to the routine of meditating about an hour after I wake up and, if I got time, two hours before I go to bed.

[Time] Now, Headspace allows you to choose how long you want to meditate. I started with doing the shortest ones (5-10 minutes), slowly progressing to meditating for as long as possible. Later, I figured that I will just meditate for as long as I want because even 1 minute is better than 0. And guess what, once you start meditate your body remembers all the other times you meditated and creates a good feeling that you don’t really want to leave.

However, there were months when I didn’t meditate at all. In those periods, I was noticing my life getting worse as my mental health was deteriorating. After returning to meditating on every day basis couple of times during the year, I learned that meditation is genuinely good for my brain. So, I tried my best to start meditating every day.

Ever since August 2019 I started meditating every day. Even though there are still days when I’m in such a state that I just cannot meditate, I’m slowly progressing towards meditating twice a day now. And this is very liberating to know that meditation is not a chore, it is a habit – just like you forget to wash your face in the morning sometimes, you may forget to meditate once or twice, and that doesn’t make you a horrible and irresponsible person.

I hope that this post will help those who have that little voice in their head telling them that meditation is good for their health but won’t do it because of some inconveniences (similar to what I described above). If there is anybody else here meditating regularly, I would love to hear your story!

By Jevgenija Zukova

I'm a second year university student doing Accounting and Finance course. I stand together with other female entrepreneurs to bring sensitivity into the business world, fun of art and creativity into local communities, and awareness of highly sensitive people.

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